I have explained this blog as being a place where I document my baking journey aswell as my fibro and mental wellbeing alongside parenting. Well apart from pictures I have noticed the distinct lack of cake talk.
I have briefly explained in previous posts why , but I’ve not explained how . How baking helps me to feel productive, how creating a finished product helps give me a sense of achievement, how sharing my cake brings me joy.
When I started this journey it was a channelled one , I wanted to make an awesome cake for Amelia, That’s all - I didn’t even begin to imagine the benefits having a hobby or the pleasure it would bring to myself, Amelia and others, I didn’t even consider it would effect my mental health and I certainly didn’t preempt the time consuming job of cleaning and scrubbing icing sugar out of hard to reach places!
My kitchen is forever covered in a film of icing sugar , no matter how much I clean it’s always there lurking , smelling sweet and tempting me back into whipping up another batch up cupcakes.
There is something soothing about following a recipe step by step. It forces you to slow down, to gather information, to weigh , convert and prepare. I have found that doing so has acted like grounding and mindfulness exercises I often do to help with anxiety. Slowing down and focusing on one thing at a time separates out all those crisscrossed messy spaghetti thoughts that sometimes seem too tangled up to work themselves out or even begin to make sense. Working through each step automatically forces organisation and breaks down those huge battles in my head which seem too much to handle. And the waiting for your cake to bake enforces patience , god help you if you open that oven !
It has made me think that life is often like baking a cake - there is the famous phrase "failing to prepare is preparing to fail" - you have to prepare your ingredients , your work surface , your tins, your tools.
In life we have to prepare for almost everything we do from driving to work to a holiday or a party , even popping to the shops with a toddler takes a huge amount of preparation, planning and of course patience - have you ever asked a toddler to get their shoes and coat while Mr bloody Tumble is on ??
Preparation has become key in almost everything I now do , especially living with fibro I have to consider what tasks I need to complete during the day and how many spoons I need to allocate for each one , there is no such thing as a spontaneous shower it may use up the spoons I need to cook dinner. Preparation is key.
Patience. Waiting for that cake to bake - avoiding the temptation to open the door and take a peek. patience in life, again with a toddler is pretty self explanatory, I often say when people without children ask me about being a parent is that it’s taught me more patience than I ever thought was possible , for starter I’m sure any mother will agree , waiting 9 months to meet your child is the biggest test of patience going. I’m sure if I had the chance I would of had a scan every single day, just to peek at her , watch her grow , a little window into what she is doing in there , but we have to wait - that oven door is well and truly glued shut until they decide they are ready to be earth side. Then the real test of patience begins , feeding , soothing , sleep deprivation, trying not to murder your partner....
Right now we are back to the beginning of our ‘being patient’ journey we started with Amelia - conceiving . It took us 8 months to conceive her and roughly 10 years of me being broody ! I’ll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant , I couldn’t believe it when I saw those two little red lines appear , I’m now however reliving the disappointment each month goes by without a new little baby starting to grow.
I have endometriosis, I’ve been told that with everything else to consider it may not happen , but also If it does happen to do it sooner rather than later. Patience again is being tested time and time again. But it’s a lesson well learnt and as they say all the best things are worth waiting for , and I guess cake and babies are two pretty amazing things to wait to arrive .
So baking has helped me also to to be patient with myself , give myself time to learn to get things right , time to heal. It’s also one of the only hobbies I’ve actually stuck with.
My hobbies as a kid switched and changed quicker than Rihanna changes her hair- ballet, gymnastics, karate , cubs , guides, cooking, painting, nails I couldn’t keep to one thing until I started dancing , then I found a passion. In a way I’m the same now , my friends often joke how every time they come round my living room furniture has changed around , I have learnt it’s an anxiety thing and I have witnessed that as I’ve found peace , the furniture stays put a little while longer.
Baking I’ve stuck with , I’ve found my new passion, I get the same feeling decorating a cake as I did rehearsing, I feel slightly out of my depth, I’m not sure I’m overly good at it but I love doing it with every inch of me. I do of course have slightly more inches since stopping dancing and starting baking - age motherhood and food have all contributed to a massive change in my body shape , I am however much more confident now than I ever was back a size 8 tiny little thing, dancing 8 hours a day. I had more energy back then though strangely enough, when now even the thought of doing a single plié has me dreaming of nap time!
My soul goes into baking, my confidence increases everytime someone enjoys what I’ve made, my mind slowed down and more manageable, my anxiety pushed to one side , my pride bursting at the seams as Amelia counts out cupcake cases, my patience tested as another cake sinks, my understanding deepened as I research and learn and network.
Cake for me is for me therapy. And what’s more therapeutic than sharing a brew and a slice of cake with a friend having a good old catch up ?
There is a reason cake is at birthdays , weddings, christenings, work meetings, not only does it symbolise a celebration - Cake brings us together.
And it tastes pretty good too.
